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Parents View: Why I Need to protect My children From My Husband’s Parents

Parents Air Their Feelings, Offer and Request Advice and Enlighten Grandparents (Anonymity Preserved)

Trouble With Grandparents

I have been reading all the articles on your site. I’m horrified at the notion of grandparents rights. I’m sure nothing I say will surprise you and I’m sure you’ve heard stories like this before. Regardless, this is MY story.
I’m a 35 year old mother of 2. My son will be 5 in just 2 weeks and my daughter will be 2 a month later. My husband is 36. We’re mature adults with the best interest in our children. My husband wanted the kids to have a relationship with his parents. The road has always been a bumpy one, but I agreed for their sake. When my son was 8 weeks old, “grandma” decided the formula I sent wasn’t good enough and decided on giving him cold skim milk from the fridge. By the time my husband brought him home, he was in the middle of a severe reaction. HE was rushed to the E.R. and spent 3 days in the hospital. Regardless of the doctor’s reports, to this day she insists she did no harm because it was ok 30 years ago.

Allergies and Peanut Butter

A more recent problem is that of peanut butter. You see, my son has a severe peanut allergy. She was told this several times and on one visit, brought my son into the kitchen and attempted to give him peanut butter crackers. When I saw, I admit, I flipped. I have seen his reactions and they are quite frightful to say the least. She sat there insisting that peanut butter crackers had no peanut butter in them! We argued whether to give them to him or not. My answer of NO was not sufficient enough for her! Then, this past Christmas, she put a tray of cookies out. Of course, some peanut butter ones. He picked the ones he wanted and I was instructed to stay in the living room (their house, their rules is the way it goes). I popped into the kitchen for my diaper bag when I saw peanut butter cookie on his plate. She blamed him saying he took it and it’s not her fault! She was the adult in the room and to me, it was her responsibility to remove/check the plate before offering him a choice. Lastly, a month ago, it happened AGAIN. This time, she tried to give him nuts. I asked what kind and was told cashews. When I looked closer, they were mixed and there was peanuts included! My son has had reactions just to the peanut skins! She then said she wanted to test him to see if he REALLY had a peanut allergy or was I wrong about it! How dare she! She obviously wasn’t putting the best interest of my child first. She was worried about proving me wrong, regardless of his allergy tests, doctor reports and previous reactions.

Court Ordered Visitation

We live over an hour away and we don’t come in to visit as much as she’d like. Also, our trips have been cut back as well as the visiting time with each family (mine included) due to my husband’s promotion. I just got served visitation papers from the courts! They are mainly to force us to come in more often and also to leave my children with them for visitation. My husband and I both agree that she’s not trustworthy to leave our children with. We feel it’s an unsafe environment. It’s unsafe even when we are there. My in-laws are young so it’s not like they are up in age and have problems understanding. I will not drive miles alone with my 2 kids to suit her needs. I have needs and I’m not comfortable driving alone. I can’t expect my husband to take time off work and jeopardize his job over this. His job is our only income.

While I feel some grandparents should be involved, some should not be. I certainly hope this law does not put my children in the arms of danger. It is my job as a parent to make sure my children are safe and it’s mine and my husband’s job to decide who is in their lives and not. These rights can do some good for the grandparents, but there’s always another side to the coin. They can do a lot of harm as well! I feel they have had their time to parent their children as they deemed fit. Now it’s our turn and no one should take that right away from us! With my in-laws, they say they didn’t have the amount of children they wanted and they didn’t parent as long as they wanted to. That’s not my problem. This time it’s my turn to raise my kids. I am a stay at home mom with a husband who works and we have a brand new home. Our kids are well provided for and well taken care of. My son will start Kindgergarten this coming year. He’s so intelligent, we’ve been offered to have him advance to the 1st grade and skip Kindergarten all together. We were told he’s on a 2nd grade level, but they can only promote to the 1st. This is all due to the time I spend with him. We have NEVER had a babysitter and have never been away from the kids. We’re 110% devoted to them. I’m a proud mother who does the best job I can do with my kids. Both my husband and I are college educated and are respectable citizens. I expect rights of my own and I can’t tell you how appalled I am that a grandparent who is so careless with small children can use these rights to get their way. I would love to say more (and I have plenty of other dangerous examples from visits with them), but this email is getting long winded. I’m sure you get my point.
This is something I hope you consider when you’re fighting for your cause


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  1. Marie Lapierre September 27th, 2012

    I cannot wait until the writer becomes a grandparent herself. She’s a pompous a** and selfish. I am willing to bet you that HER parents get to see the kids all the time. What does her husband think of all this?

    Reply
    • Pat August 12th, 2014

      Did you even read the same thing as I did? You’re calling names because a mother is worried about her child dying over a ignorant woman’s desire to feed her child an allergen? Seriously, The “grandparent” generation can be pretty entitled. It’s says that her husband is in agreement. I’m pretty sure that her parents probably get to see the child more because they don’t feed him peanuts.

      Reply
    • Jessica tampe January 12th, 2015

      There is no pomp or circumstance to be had when severe allergies are involved. I have 11 grandchildren and always, always, always support their parents rules and expectations for my little darlings. It’s about respect and for a grandma to blame a child for putting himself in harms way is ludacris.

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      • Lisa Rainges March 24th, 2016

        Amen! Finally some common sense. What grandmother does that. Sounds like the grandparents are stubborn and selfish.

        Reply
    • Emily Taylor August 11th, 2015

      Selfish in trying to protect her children? I bet you’re a grandparent who has issues with Her DIL. Some women seem to feel a burning need to disrespect and disregard their DIL, and in this case the grandparents are either ignorant or so focussed on showing the DIL that they ‘know best’ they’d rather hurt their grandchildren than concede that the children’s parents are right. Nobody should interfere in a good parent’s decisions, and nobody should put a child at risk just because ‘that’s how they did it in their day’. No parent wants dangerous people in contact with their child and the relationship of those people is irrelevant.

      Reply
    • SadMeeamee October 28th, 2015

      Usually the husbands are casterated by thier wives. Shame on these sons allowing this. It is evil and is considered Child Abuse. She is making herself look good by saying they have never left their children with a baby sitter. I’m certain she has but it was her parents. She needs to read up on Narccistic personality disorder. Why is she even posting something on a grandparents website. That is shady to me. No one feels sorry for you little girl. Grow up because you are hurting your children in this too not matter what you think. You sound just like my ignorant daughter. The pain ibeing kept from my grandchildren is like someone has died but you have not closure. Stop being an evil b@&tch and let them see your children. Stop being s helicopter mother. I am at the point of a severe breakdown. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I’m on antidepressants, anxiety meds, mood stabilizers. I. Also have ulcers and had a mini stroke. My daughter has hurt me to the core of my spirit. I have thought about just committing suicide because I can’t deal with the pain. The is our only child. We are so confused why she is doing it but apparently your generation think there is nothing wrong with it. Grandparent alienation is an epidemic. You can’t teach your children that loved ones are disposible

      Reply
      • Peterson December 10th, 2015

        So you are a mother to a daughter that apparently has hurt you so bad your health is at risk. Well, first you have raised her so maybe you have made mistakes while nurturing her and if I would be your daughter (since i don’t want my children to treat me like you described ) I would not let you near them either. Second, what’s the reason your daughter decided to stay distant? Please don’t tell me there is none. If there is none you can’t compare yourself to the above story since there is a LIFE THREATENING reason to stay away from beloved grandma and grandpa. And once you admitted that your daughter has a reason to not please you the way you like well, congratulations it’s your own f****** fault and not her generations way of handling things. What I can hear out of your “seriously out of touch with reality” comment is that you are unhappy with your life and try to blame somebody for it. It’s not your daughters fault, neither your grandchildren and just because the older generations are starting to get unhappy doesn’t mean that ours needs to step-up to serve their needs on the back of our children. PS: please learn how to read because the mother in the story above is clearly scared for her children’s life for obvious reasons and if you need more clarifications about that please print it and take it to your doctor that treats you for PTSD, ulcers and mini strokes- maybe he can explain to you how serious an allergic reaction could end. Cheers to another pill you are popping right now.

        Reply
      • Deanna December 17th, 2015

        Most people are able to have children and will eventually be grandparents. Not all people are good parents which is why we have child abuse and Children’s Services to deal with that. There are many children who grow up in less than ideal emotional and physical circumstances but it’s not enough for the overwhelmed child welfare services to remove them. Those children grow up, have children and their parents become grandparents. When given the chance to have their own children, they know that they also have a chance to break the cycle. Sometimes the only way to do that is have low to no contact with their own parents who have not changed. In reading your comment, your pain is real, but my guess is that your emotional needs are trumping your daughter’s emotional needs in your mind. I hear an ongoing conflict that you are blaming her for, unable to take responsibility for your own part in it. It’s painful for everyone. I would not be surprised if there’s a lot more to this story.

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      • Jenn Pitt January 25th, 2016

        You have contemplated suicide? That is serious and emotionally unstable. THAT is the reason we don’t leave our daughter with my husband’s mother. That is her last weapon to use when she isn’t getting her way – threatening to kill herself. My husband’s mother, just like you, sound emotionally unstable – so why SHOULD able minded parents leave their fragile children in your care? As parents we need to look out for the best interest of our children – no matter the cost.

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        • Max Berlin January 4th, 2017

          I have a similar situation – grandmother – my MIL threatens to kill herself if she every hurt our child. But at the same time she won’t recognize the dangers of her husband playing with guns and leaving guns around the house, won’t baby proof, didn’t take the CPR and infant choking training we paid for, has frequent disabling panic attacks, won’t use seatbelts and won’t follow our rules for our child. And she still somehow thinks she should be allowed to see our child and without supervision. Guess what, she hasn’t seen the boy in 6 months and until she starts getting help for herself and getting realistic about dangers and our rights as parents she won’t be seeing him anytime soon.

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      • TIRED OF RIDICULOUS February 6th, 2016

        You have serious Mommy issues. This is the 21st century sweetie. Women have voices and opinions and it seems yours is that now woman is good enough for your little boy?! Buckle up. Sounds as if she has a brain AND self worth to stand up to a insecure bitter old woman.

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      • TIRED OF RIDICULOUS February 6th, 2016

        Grandparent alienation only applys to the unstable and unfit

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        • Melissa Atkinson January 24th, 2017

          My daughters ex in laws (father of children is in prison for drugs) are drug dealers and all three of their sons are now in prison for dealing as well. They tried to get her involved too, but she said no and is now living with us because they’re threatening to take the grandkids and go to Mexico. Did I mention none of them are legal citizens of the US? There is nothing the police can do until they actually take the boys si we are living under constant fear that they will come and take them. Grandparents only get rights when they deserve them. These people don’t understand why they can’t see the boys which just goes to show how stupid they are.

          Reply
      • Renee Leblanc July 28th, 2016

        I to am a grandparent. I am also diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, depression and I am also taking a mood stabilizer. I don’t see my grandson as much as I would like. I do know it’s not because of me. I know they have a life of their own. The times I do get to see him is priceless. But. To call this mother names is uncalled for. I have another daughter that has a daughter and her son is due any day now and she is a stay at home mother. She does not leave her children with anyone. So yes it is possible that she never has left her children. I grant my children’s wishes when they tell me “Mom I you rather you not give him or her this or that.” And I don’t because I know what it is like I be disrespected as a mother. For you to tell her to grow up sounds like to me she is . Looking after the best interest of her children. I know what it is to have a serious allergen. If you can’t respect your children’s wishes then I feel sorry that they are choosing to not let you see the children. They want what is in the BEST INTREST IN THEIR CHILDREN. They have the right to have them see who they want and when they want. If they can prove to the courts why they don’t want to leave the children or even have the children in the presence of the grandparents then the rights will not be granted. From what I read she has a case. If you want you can look it up under grandparents rights. I have!!!!

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      • Trinksgirl September 7th, 2016

        Perhaps you missed the whole “danger” element in her article. I think this womans # one priority was safety of her children and not having them die from a severe anaphylactic reaction. I dont care what peoples relation was to my child if they continued to give them things that could potentially kill them- i wouldnt allow them around my child either. I am not going to knowingly put my child in harms way. if it was a minor issue thats be one thing but continous disregard for severe allergies is just flat out dangerous and it is way within her right and obligation as a mom to be concerned and to protect her kid. Thats the main takeaway of the article not the other stuff. You are missing the big picture and focusing on stupid details she mentioned about not using babysitters and name calling. All she was trying to emphasize was that as a mom she tries her hardest. Maybe u need to re read the article and try to get the point of what she was saying maybe empathize a little, gollee.

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    • SadMeeamee October 28th, 2015

      I can understand to about the peanut allergy . I don’t think this is a reason to stop all contact. Communication is very important. Take your children’s own snacks and your husband needs to tal to them and not you. He needs to set boundaries with them. Please do not cut them off I am certain if they feel anything like I do they are in a a bad place. Tomorrow is not guarantee.

      Reply
      • FGP October 28th, 2015

        Thanks for the good advice

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      • AngryAllergyGirl March 4th, 2016

        She deliberately and repeatedly tried to trigger the child’s peanut allergy. She is a clear a present danger to the child. She has given up any rights to see the child by these actions. End of story.

        Reply
    • K January 14th, 2016

      I’m guessing your a grandma not allowed to see your grandkids too funny how you bash this women for protecting her children your selfish and inconsiderate. Grandparent need to know there place in life. As grandparents. Women getting manipulated by in laws is a serious thing and only effects The child’s life. sorry but not sorry. Grandparents no your place. As a mom I do not let my kids around my in laws. They don’t respect me they don’t see my children period.

      Reply
      • Tmull July 8th, 2016

        I have just had an insane run in with my inlaws because of a decision we made for our daughter. It almost cost my husband and I a divorce. We reconciled, however, his step mom kept pushing the issue in an attempt of me stating I made the wrong choice by our child. I let it go and finally, after days of it bothering me, how inappropriate it really was…to have her send me and email stating that I needed professional help….umm yeah! She is not allowed contact due to not respecting me. I understand your pain with straight rude and inconsiderate in laws.

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      • Sandy January 18th, 2017

        I had a similar issue with my in-laws. First, parent’s rights are trumped by NO ONE unless the child is being harmed or is in danger. Second, ANYONE that attempts to see if an allergy is “real” by attempting to feed that child the allergen is placing that child in harm’s way. Each exposure to the allergen can elicit a more severe reaction at each exposure. He could have gone into anaphylactic shock. After putting this child in the hospital for 3 days for giving him skim milk or whatever is grounds enough to never allow her near the child again. Yet, she persisted with the peanuts. How selfish can you be???? You will toy with the health and life of a child she supposedly loves? Yeah, that does not go hand in hand in my book. Grandma is a borderline personality and very destructive person and should not be allowed near the kids or this constitutes negligence on the part of the parents. Period. You wouldn’t leave your kid with a pedophile? Well, someone who is willing to put them in the hospital just to prove a point is just as abusive if not more dangerous because the child can DIE. I often struggle with the decision my DH made to cut his family out of the picture but reading stories like this third person confirms that we made the right decision. ANYONE who puts your kids, their lives, health and future at risk for their own personal gain, anyone who refuses to admit when they have made a mistake thereby refusing to acknowledge they have behaved inappropriately will continue to behave the same way, anyone who undermines you as a parent and makes concerted efforts to go against your will in regards to your children have ABSOLUTELY NO PLACE in their lives. Zero. None. There are people who will endanger your child and then play dumb when something bad happened and your child pays the price. It wasn’t her in the hospital for 3 days!! Also, MAJOR red flag: she shows no empathy for the child who ended up in the hospital. “Regardless of the doctor’s reports, to this day she insists she did no harm because it was ok 30 years ago”. A new born ended up in the hospital and you did no wrong?!?! Dangerous. She should be crying tears of regret and pain for her grandson but NO she’s too busy stating she was right. Then guess what? Too late, your child is hurt, traumatized or dead. Since she has only showed disregard and disrespect for not only her grandchild but the parent’s authority as well and intentionally placed the child in harm’s way I’d never go to their house and allow that “my house, my rules” BS my right as a parent overrides her damn house. No way. Mom and dad did the right thing here and should cut them out completely.

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    • Nina tee February 2nd, 2016

      Marie, Go slap yourself. The grandma gave the baby skim milk at 8 weeks old and let him have peanut butter cookies. Wtf?! The grandma seems koo koo for cocoa puffs! Smh

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    • Lucy February 28th, 2016

      That comment was for Marie LaPierre. I think the writer is doing the right thing for her children. You have to stay strong.

      Reply
    • Theresa March 4th, 2016

      You are a ding dong. The grandmother can’t be trusted with the kids as she has clearly tried to entice her grandson to eat something that could KILL him. This is NOT about how bad the grandma feels. This is about keeping her kid alive, which is more important than her mother-in-law’s feelings. Grow up. A woman who really loved her grandkids and wasn’t just trying to make a power play wouldn’t disregard medical advice and go behind the parents’ backs to prove a point.

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    • Abigail fielding April 17th, 2016

      Her parents probably respect what she says and not try and kill him with a peanut she knows about I wouldn’t leave them either over my dead body

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    • Anna Maria June 21st, 2016

      Nice try, Grandma. Try not jeopardizing your grandchild’s life. Mom is just being a good mom, you are just being selfish.

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    • Erica W August 4th, 2016

      You are probably that grandparent that would do such things to her grandchildren. This “grandmother” is obviously a very sick SICK woman. I don’t blame this woman one bit. She IS protecting HER BABIES which oz what a mother does. Its her call. Not want the grandmother wants. This grandmother has done her time.

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    • Kelly Smith August 31st, 2016

      I agree did you even read? That grandmother’s careless actions could cause that child to die. Peanut allergy is nothing to mess around with. The women is ignorant and has no business watching those grandkids unsupervised.

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    • Tina Wilson November 19th, 2016

      I agree totally with the writer of this article. She gave the grandmother plenty of opportunities to spend time with her grandson even after the first couple of incidents regarding the milk and peanut butter biscults. The grandmother should respect and appreciate this woman’s concerns and affords about the welfare and safety of her child. I have experienced similar problems with my own mother with my own daughter, although not so life threatening which have made not to want to leave my own mother with my 9 year old daughter. My mother rarely pays any interest in my child and she does not visit us at home even though she only lives 20 minutes walking distance away. Once in a blue moon perhaps 3 times a year I will be in desperate need for childcare, perhaps a training conference to attend for work at the other side of town. My daughter normally attends an after school on a normal school and working day. When I ask my mum for help she always replied I don’t really want to do it I am not in mood, do I have to?! When she agrees I am extremely grateful. But when my mum has my daughter at her house she does nothing with her. She doesn’t take her for a walk or any fresh air, my daughter spends her time there sitting in a separate room from my mother in front of the TV. I called once at 8.30pm to wish my daughter good night before she was meant to go to bed… my daughter told me she hadn’t had her dinner yet. I asked my mum what the plan was for dinner and mentioned that she should be sleeping g now… my mother replied she has eaten some crisps and chocolate she can’t be hungry… OK I will make her something to eat when I make my dinner in a couple of hours I am not ready to eat yet, that was at 8.30pm. I always pack activities for my daughter to do in her overnight bag, books to read.. homework from school, my mum doesn’t do it with her. I can’t dare to comment or make a suggestion to my mother to suppirt my daughter with these things because I response I get from my mum is that I am asking too much… and if it’s not good enough don’t ask and I am ungrateful. I try to make a massive effect with my mum… I often call her text her to ask her out for a meal, she replies I don’t like eating in public, I suggest I’ll cook dinner at my house instead… she can’t be bothered. I offer tickets to go and see a movie or show together.. or to go for a Sunday stroll in the local park. She never takes me up on my offer. She doesn’t like to have visitors during Christmas, from the age of 16 I have not spent a xmas day with her am now 39 years old. I put myself through the college and university while holding down 2 jobs to make ends meat, she never supported me or praised me for my efforts. She tells me I travel (my passion with my daughter) too much and no one needs to go away as much as I do. when I do call or text her to ask how she is she rarely answers or returns my calls.

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    • Amy Fore December 5th, 2016

      EXACTLY my thoughts!! Most of the time the husband is caught in the middle. Believe me, I know. I’m a grandparent and in pretty much the same condition right now. Except our state doesn’t have grandparents rights if the parents are still together. My son just keeps saying, give it time, it will get better. She doesn’t want my 4 y/o grandson coming to our house but her parents get him whenever they want and as long as they want. Its just not fair.

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    • Lilia cast December 6th, 2016

      Your parenting times were yours. Now it’s their time to raise kids. Not yours. If you understand boundaries you know your role is minimal in the upbringing and you have to respect their house rules. End of line. You’re not.in charge

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    • Chez January 20th, 2017

      I loved my in-laws but they are threatening & disrespectful toward me. Respect goes both ways. I still love my in-laws but their behavior has caused emotional harm to me, my child & other family & friends. The grandfather has threatened me twice in the last month and is very controlling. The grandfather also has a child the same age as ours through an affair that he has estranged himself from. He is a bully and has constantly interfered in my marriage. These people ruin it for other wonderful grandparents who do deserve to have contact with their grandchildren, but in this case visitation is no longer an option.

      Reply
    • Michelle Swanston January 31st, 2017

      I completely and utterly disagree with your comments which quite frankly are tantamount to being aggressive and ill meant. The article I read, although clearly infused with emotion, seemed balanced with acknowledgments of how a relationship should ideally be between a grandparent and a grandchild. Unfortunately, as is clear from this case, a healthy family dynamic is not always achieved and every situation (whether it be access to grandchildren, where to spend Christmas or whatever is important to each family), needs to be managed according to that dynamic. As can be seen from the information in this article, the grandmother is pupurposefuly ignoring or not understanding the requirements of a child with allergies, this in extreme cases can severely hamper the health of the child and therefore the grandmother should be monitored for the safety of that child. Furthermore, we live in a democratic society and for the most part we appreciate the trappings which come along with that, i.e. freedom of choice and freewill, therefore if a parent decides their child should not be placed in the company of certain people, it is quite frankly their choice until said child reaches an age where they can decide for themselves.

      Reply
    • Pam Paul April 7th, 2017

      I think they have been way too lenient with the grandparents. How many times do you put your children in danger? The grandparents have repeatedly shown a lack of following reasonable accommodations for a child with an allergy. My children would never be at there house again. And I wouldn’t want such selfish callous grandparents to even visit at my house. These are selfish dangerous undermining people.

      Reply
    • Kayla Bender April 20th, 2017

      If this so called “grandmother” gave this child peanut butter, she wouldn’t even HAVE a grand child. It sounds to me like you feel equally entitled. You don’t get to decide how to raise someone’s child especially if you have proven yourself both ignorant and irresponsible. Period. I wouldn’t touch that woman with a ten foot pole.

      Reply
  2. sarah sepesy December 17th, 2012

    I completely understand. My child has life threatening nut allergies and my inlaws do not take the precautions that I require. It is not to the extent of offering him nuts, though. It is more cross contamination issues. My child has had one anaphylactic reaction and I intend to do EVERYTHING in my power to keep it at only 1 including limiting my inlaws access to him unsupervised. I do not find the writer to be pomous or selfish. In fact, I see the grandparents as pomous and selfish and downright abusive. If the best interest of the child is truly what the grandparents have in mind, they should have no problem adjusting their behavior. Sometimes people are so intent on proving a point, they are willing to hurt people they “love” in the process. That to me proves there really is no “love”. I find it apalling that grandparents who would risk their grandchild’s life as the writer’s do could have any unsupervised access to those precious children. All it takes is one mistake to kill a child with severe allergies.

    Reply
  3. Joe Burch November 4th, 2013

    Kayte an I have a son an daugter in law that have gone back to meth.They had been away from it for around six years.Son was preaching an his wive an him where taking the church children out for church nights.They where really involvet with church an there three children,the first one eleven,we had him the first five yrs..then they had a girl four yrs.and now ten mo.old boy.They have desirted them for about mo an ahalf.Kayte works at a Hospital I,m 63 an desabled.But Kayte an I are fighters,an seeing the children cry an sop,has given new strenght an indurance.I,m on alot off meds our medical has cost us alot.awer banking is behind our home is cossy for the kids an we have brighten up there live,s,more smiles an laghter. But we where looking to do some repares on the home. Well we havent seen the mom for about two mo.her sister trying to talk her into seeing a docter to save her live.Our son has gotten so violent verable an physically,we want to get an attorny but don,t know about the cost.I,ll keep looking around for more info.If any one has more info for use we would really like it well if anything they are really great kids.

    Reply
    • Emi love May 8th, 2016

      Ugh I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Is your wife disabled? Are you living with her? The grandchildren you said are with you all because their parents have abandied them there correct? This is such a hard case. Because of your disability and because you’re financially in the hole, the children may end up in child services. I know what you’re going through. My cousin and the mother of his children had their babies taken away because they didn’t have jibs and always left the kids to get high. It’s tough. Right now their 3 year old son is with the grandmother (a known heroine addict) and their 1 year old daughter is in the system. We don’t know where she is. I wish I could help you. I’m so sorry. Do they have aunt or uncles who live near willing to take them in?

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      • Renee Leblanc July 28th, 2016

        You can call around some attorneys and let them know what you are looking to do. If they can’t help you they should send you in the right direction. I hope this helps.

        Reply
  4. Linda February 8th, 2014

    Very sorry to hear about your situation and I think you need to do the right thing and protect your children and not leave them with dangerous grandparents unsupervised. I wish my kids can have good relationship with their grandparents. But in the past 4 years my mother in law seem to come up with new ways that would potentially hurt my kids. She doesn’t do it intentionally. I think she is just not capable to think about health and safety for kids. When my daughter was 7 months old she just started to sit on her own. I can see from daycare camera that my mother in law would pull my 7 month baby by the wrist 2′-2.5′ across the floor so that the baby can be closer to her. When my baby was 9 months old and started to stand up, again, I saw from daycare camera that the grand father was holding her wrist to help her stand…but then seconds later, to my SHOCK, my mother in law bend down and lift up my 9 months old baby by the ankle and started swinging her in the air by her wrist and ankle. The day care teacher had thought there was 2 adult so that they left the room only for 3 minutes. She scheduled to have a face lift done on the due date of my second baby. She had scared my 2 year old daughter so much with her bruised face that my daughter was scared of her for an entire year. She is only not scared of her after 4 months of my telling her we love everyone in our family. She would show up to eat with us when she has cold sore or when she is sick….making my kids sick and me sick. Even just last week, she would hold my 2 yr old son’s hand making his arm in a awkward position just so she can feel happy she had hold his hand. How can I trust this person even if she is my husband’s mother to spent time along unsupervised with my 2yr old and 4 year old. I fear i may have to pick them up in emergency room.

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    • FGP February 10th, 2014

      A heart to heart discussion and supervised visitation until the problem is solved seems appropriate for the conditions you explain.

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      • Jim December 4th, 2015

        The problem here is that the heart to heart discussion has obviously been a useless endeavour. This is generally the case with selfish grandparents who feel they are entitled to cross whatever boundary they desire in their adult childs life.

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  5. Kristen Hernandez July 8th, 2014

    Thinking about both sides of the story here, I would venture to guess that the grandparents think the parents are being hysterical and ridiculous with their insistence that their son be treated with “kid gloves.” SO MUCH is left out of the story here that I cannot pass judgment on anyone. “Middle aged” does not mean “well educated” and a lot also depends on the time/era/culture in which these adults grew up. (not liking that I can’t do a hard return here by the way). The grandparents are being completely unreasonable, however, in insisting on unsupervised visitation – obviously someone needs to be there to ensure that the child is not poisoned while in company of his grandparents, because they have shown blatant disregard for the doctor’s orders. My own story: I have two children with ADD/ADHD and my parents spent their entire childhood fighting me on whether I should get them evaluated or medicated. I was stopped at every turn and accused of trying to “drug” my children into “submission.” That was never the case; I was admittedly being driven insane by their behaviors, their opposition & defiance, and their risk-taking activities. Nonetheless, once my children got old enough to understand the issues, they themselves started coming home from my parents’ house telling me I was wrong to want to “drug” them and that they did not want me to put “mind altering chemicals” into their bodies. Like I was trying to inject them with Heroin or something equally horrific! Finally, when my youngest was 16, she decided on her own to go seek help and find out if medication would help her. This was after she (who is incredibly intelligent) failed a grade in high school from excessive absences and incomplete assignments. The medication has completely turned her around and she is now a rising senior at University, getting mostly A’s and very infrequent B’s in her classes. She finally understands that the medication was not to CHANGE her personality but to free her from the misery of her disease. I tell this story because I want you to know that grandparents do NOT always know what is best for their grandchildren and they often misinterpret a competent parent’s attempts to ensure his or her child’s health, safety, mental health – with “hysteria,” “paranoia,” “craziness,” etc. Just because the things we deal with in this generation are different from those our parents dealt with when we were growing up, doesn’t make them any less real. Maybe you could bring some literature from the doctor’s office to the grandparent’s house and CALMLY discuss with them what the reactions could be. Maybe you could talk to them about how pesticides, hybridization and GMO foods have altered our foods so much that they are not the same kinds of foods we used to eat as children, and that allergies to peanuts are far more common today than ever before. We don’t know what causes them, only that they can be highly dangerous. Take them to the doctor for an appointment and have the doctor explain it to them. Anything. But stop acting like a hysterical, over-protective, crazy lady who would keep her child from his grandparents just because you’re too insecure to face them and talk to them like an adult. You are the parent and you set the limits. Period. But don’t be stupid. Your kids need their grandparents and you need to calm down a little.

    Reply
    • Roberta carson January 12th, 2015

      Hysterical, over protective, crazy lady….those words pass judgement don’t they??? If the grandparents will disregard the doctors orders and their concerns when they’re at the house. Then what are the parents suppose to expect if they’re not there….she had already talked to them and nothing has changed so….. She should continue to reason with them why??? Before it gets said I’m a mother of 10 and grandma of 13. I know it can get precarious at times,but putting children in harms way just because you don’t believe or don’t think the illness is present is foolish. The key with dil’s and sil’s and our adult children is respect for them and support for their expectations for the kids and their medical conditions. Life’s to short and Wow! The kids grow so fast. No one wants to miss that 🙂

      Reply
    • Katie stokes December 14th, 2015

      I would just like to say simply that no matter what a grandparent wants/says it is absolutely always the parents who have the last say. Children are born of a mother and a father not a mother and father and four older people. Grand parents who don’t know their place really get on my nerves. If they care about their own children’s happiness they will not place their own selfish demands on them and ruin their relationships/marriages as a consequence of trying to dictate the lives of other people’s children

      Reply
      • FGP December 29th, 2015

        Got something there
        Grandparents are parents support as well.
        What do folks think?

        Reply
      • Chez January 20th, 2017

        I like that comment Kate Stokes, I agree completely.

        Reply
  6. jeff bulman February 27th, 2015

    I agree that not all grandparents should have the right to see there grandchild .I myself am dealing with my own parents who failed to keep an eye on my 11/2 year old daughter and she drowned because of there neglect to watch her they feel that I shouldn’t be upset that it was an accident how can it be called an accident when you fail to watch the child I call it neglect what’s so hard to understand that if they did what they were suppose to then she wouldn’t have drowned

    Reply
    • Randi Dakin March 31st, 2015

      Jeff, I wanted to offer my condolences on the tragic loss of your daughter. What a heartbreaking event. The fact that she was in your parents’ care at the time only adds to the heartbreak. Ordinarily, when a parent faces such a devastating loss, they would turn to their family members for support and solace; I imagine that the current circumstances render that very challenging at this time. I can only imagine that they must also be grieving and feeling a very heavy burden as well. The grief and guilt of everyone involved must make any estrangement all the more painful. I don’t think there is any easy way forward out of this emotional morass but I hope that with time, you all might find some healing out of this tragedy and loss.

      Reply
    • Jessica May 9th, 2015

      Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. Your feelings are justified, and I would feel the exact same way. I agree that this was not an accident; it could have easily been prevented so it was child neglect.

      Reply
    • Eleni December 29th, 2015

      I’m so sorry Jeff for ur loss!! I am reading everyone’s stories and it’s almost 4am and I’m crying to see all that pain in your lives. I will keep u and everyone in my thoughts and prayers.

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    • Amy Fore December 5th, 2016

      Children need their grandparents. Both sets of grandparents! Like in our case, there is nothing wrong with me and my husband. We have never once done anything to hurt those children (our 4 y/o bio grandson and 11 y/o step grandson). We love them with ALL of our heart! There is nothing we wouldn’t do for them. or for our son and DIL, which we have. BUT nothing is ever good enough for this girl. She trusts her family but doesn’t her husbands family. We raised him and she married him? Hello?! We did a darned good job at raising him too because he supporting her behind.

      Reply
  7. Randi Dakin March 31st, 2015

    A few things came to mind when I read this post. The first is that this is a mom whose concerns about a potentially life-threatening allergy in her child haven’t been respected; this seems to have been what has fueled the estrangement. The second is that these are grandparents who seem to be frightened about losing a cherished bond with a grandchild; this seems to have fueled their decision to take legal action. There is no update so we can’t know how these three generations resolved the conflict between them but for other families who might find themselves in a similar circumstance, perhaps mediation rather than court action would help to repair the generational bonds. Perhaps too, the parents would have felt more comfortable with the grandparents visiting the kids in the parents’ home, as opposed to having them visit or stay over in the grandparents’ home. That said, I am certainly in favour of grandparents having the right to at least petition the court to maintain and preserve a relationship with a grandchild. If the relationship is such that it will truly be a detriment to the child to have it continue, their parents can present that evidence. I do not say this in favour of pitting parents against grandparents, but rather, in keeping with the accord of “the child’s best interests”. A child is born into a family and, for better or worse, that family is a child’s birthright.

    Reply
    • FGP April 5th, 2015

      Thanks for your thoughtful comments.

      Reply
  8. Richard Johnson May 8th, 2015

    The main problem is Grandparents feel they have some right to be in the child’s life, as if since they raise you all of the sudden they have authority over your offspring, this is false and Grandparents need to start waking up to this fact. A child does not need you in their life. It’s an extra not a need. And you must follow the rules set by the actual parents or be shut out,

    Reply
    • Louise edwards August 22nd, 2016

      Sorry , but grandchildren do need those grandparents , I was a child who was stopped seeing dads parents , at the age of 8 , by a bitter mother , I’m 51 now all it did was bite my mum on her bottom years later , I don’t see my grandchildren due a family fall out , it just goes on

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    • Stacy Dennis September 28th, 2016

      I agree wholeheartedly, grandchildren are a blessing-not an entitlement and if more grandparents understood this there might be fewer estrangements.

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  9. James Martin May 8th, 2015

    I have noticed that in the majority of cases the mother prefers that the child love her parents and family rather than the father’s parents. A bit of candy will not kill your child. Extravagant gifts will not harm your child. In-laws who love your child can not possibly be a bad thing. At some point your child will be old enough to understand the difference in rules at home and rules at grandma’s and grandpa’s house. Teach your child to appreciate the love that the grandparents have for him or her. Learn to appreciate it yourself. Don’t insist on your husband choosing sides, nobody wins. His parents obviously had good parenting skills to raise a kind and caring man with whom you fell in love.

    Reply
    • Emily Taylor August 11th, 2015

      But it wasn’t a bit of candy, was it? It was repeatedly giving peanuts to a child with a severe nut allergy because the grandparents seem to think they know best, better than even the child’s medical team. As for giving a baby skimmed milk, it’s a pity they were t prosecuted for that. It wasnt a mistake, it was a wilful disregard of the parents. That baby had appropriate formula milk there, but grandma again thinks she knows best and butts right in and endangers the child. She’s either poorly educated or is purposely trying to override her daughter-in-law. She sounds like she has issues. I wouldn’t be surprised if the court action is another attempt to win and defeat the DIL. After all, they can’t truly love their grandchildren if they act so negligently towards them. These ‘grandparent orders’ are for loving, competent grandparents who have been wrongly excluded from their grandchildren’s life (usually after the divorce of the parents). They’re not for negligent grandparents who insist they have a right to put children at risk because they have a blood tie to them. If I was the OP I’d be looking to get an Order banning them from having contact with the children after such disgraceful behaviour. And yes, hopefully I’ll be a grandparent one day but I’d never disregard the parents wishes and I’d never put my grandchildren at risk. That’s a grandparent’s job – to protect the grandchildren and respect their parents’ decisions. Why should any parent have to leave their children in a potentially dangerous situation?

      Reply
      • Maddyf November 9th, 2015

        Totally agree with you! This comment sums it up so well.

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      • Louise edwards August 22nd, 2016

        I need to write on here , I’m a person of 51 now , came from a broken family , and was stopped seeing my dads parents , who I loved so much , it’s not always about the parents , it’s about the child , stay with the children , but don’t do this , it breaks families up , and it always bites you years later , I’ve learnt the hard way my mother and I don’t speak now , and I don’t see my grandchildren now , due to family fall outs , when your grandson puts his coat and shoes on at 3 , and wants to stay at Nan’s for a little bit of time and is told no , it’s heart breaking , I know older people can be difficult , it’s the time there were born in

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    • Miss eliza August 22nd, 2015

      I get this completely. Me and my partner favour my mum and dad over his. But that’s because my parents do and would do without a doubt everything his parents wouldn’t. Of course a woman is going to be closer to her mum. Ask her mum for advice. A mother in law will often favour her daughter over sons. It’s just how it is. I know from personal experience my daughter doesn’t exist to my partners dad vecause his partner has clawed her teeth in and only cares for her grandkids and wants him yo do the same.our relationship with them have been terrible because of mil. I wouldnt even go to them if i was homeless…I wouldn’t leave my daughter alone with them. They’ve snickers and pointed and laughed at my daughter. I wouldbt want her brainwashed or picked on or left out. My partners real mother. My daughter doesn’t know exists. She’s horrible and vile and abusive. I couldn’t risk leaving my daughter with her in case of a beating.sometimes grandparents need to realize they need to earn the position. My in laws haven’t bothered with my daughter. My partner is furious. But if they tried to get legal action they’d be messing with the wrong mumma bear. As for having rights they have no rights. They aren’t their babies. My girl only knows she has two grandparents because they are the only ones that bother with her.

      Reply
  10. Joseph Miller May 8th, 2015

    I think it’s great when grandparents are as equally involved as parents. There are so many kids and even adults who didn’t share a close bond with their grandparents– some barely knew theirs. I think it’s awesome if a child is equally as close to their grandparents as they are to their own parents. I would be really happy if my children was as close to my parents as I am to them–I’m actually almost afraid that won’t happen. http://cabreralawoffices.com/

    Reply
  11. Adam Doe May 9th, 2015

    I don’t know how accurate your story is but grandchildren should never be kept from grandparents unless there is a threat they will die or be sexually abused. If there is a concern they are not safe with the grandparent then the parent can come and supervise. But, if the kids are withheld for any reason other then risk they may die or be sexually abused then it otherwise is the parent who is at fault and not the grandparent. Children need four grandparents if the grandparents are living. In the case of the food allergies I can see that being concerning but if you are there supervising then it will not be a problem regardless of what adult on adult problems the parent and grandparent have with each other. The only exception is if, with you there also, there is still a risk the kid may die or be sexually abused, and that is highly rare.

    Reply
    • Charlotte July 23rd, 2015

      Adam, grandparents are not entitled to be in their grandchildren lives, they do not and should not have any rights regarding their grandchildren. they should not be allowed to file for visitation rights (either unsupervised or supervised) because, while there a some bad parents in the world, the parent may have had past experiences with the grandparents and the parents do not want them around their children, it’s their choice who gets to e around their children. I found your comments to be uneducated and that you felt like grandparents are ENTITLED to have a relationship with their grandchildren. The grandmother in the story, had obviously shown no respect for the health and safety of the child and was just a spiteful old hag. The grandparent generation think that they can boss everyone around because they are older. If these grandparents won visitation rights, the child would be in serious danger, as the mother has said that the child allergies are life threatening

      Reply
    • Maddyf November 9th, 2015

      Completely ridiculous and I would consider moving countries away from my parents if they completed disregarding doctors orders that kept my child from experiencing potentially deadly allergic reactions and still felt entitled to visitation rights. I did not know one side of my grandparents well whatsoever and we now live on the other side of the world from them and i do mot doubt my parents decision at all, my grandparents are stubborn and strict with children and very judgemental and i did not enjoy their company nor did my parents enjoy the way they treated me. It was in no way dangerous or sexually abusive but makes entirely no difference.

      Reply
    • TIRED OF RIDICULOUS February 6th, 2016

      WOW. You may be as completely insane as the In-Law. PARENTS, Good Patents, are THE ONLY two people “entitled” to decide who their children spend time with! Only sensitive narcissists would side with the “Sad” one and other selfish insecure brats.

      Reply
    • Erin April 29th, 2016

      To SadMeeame, wow you are a piece of work. You sound exactly like my abusive parents and it’s sickening that call your own daughter a [email protected] What does that say about you then? And secondly, your phychological and health problems are your problems and not your daughter’s fault. This mother who wrote this blog only has her kids best interests at heart. You sound like an entitled bleep and I suggest instead of finding fault with your daughter and criticizing her, and be loving and supportive. Grandkids aren’t stupid, and they certainly won’t like you calling their mother a [email protected] Kids will always defend a good mom, and distance themselves from a nasty, bitter grandmother. You sound like the one with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, not your daughter. Grandparents and other people should never be given a broad right to continue the cycle of abuse with their childrens children. You sound like a textbook example of intergenerational domestic violence.

      Reply
  12. Angela George September 12th, 2015

    Wow, this story is almost an exact image of my situation with my in laws. Right down to the peanut allergy. My MIL thinks my son’s peanut allergy is fake. Also my 9 month old son breaks out with his eczema with gluten and she thinks that’s fake too. Oh and her smoking and scented everything doesn’t flare up my son’s asthma. I’m always wrong and she’s always right. She only had one child (my husband) and couldn’t have anymore. Not my problem. So she acts like my 2 kids are hers. Ugh.

    Reply
    • Heather December 10th, 2015

      Glad I’m not alone any that other people out there experience this too with in laws. In my case it’s the “Great Grandma In law” and she too thinks that my sons peanut allergy is fake. I have no way of currently avoiding the GGIL because she lives 2 houses away from us.

      Reply
  13. ST October 21st, 2015

    The mother in law has some real issues with boundaries and does not want to admit when she is at fault. In this way, foolish pride is poorly protecting, rather than properly addressing, some sort of fear she is harboring as an insecurity. When that fear is threatening the life of her grandchild and breaking the trust of the child’s parents, she is overstepping boundaries and needs to stop meddling by showing this display of self-centered irresponsibility. She needs to accept that she does not have to know everything in order to be respected and accepted into the family. In this scenario, I think the mother in law needs to see a counselor and has probably repeatedly violated her own son’s personal space in the same manner as he was growing up, if not in a worse manner. There is nothing wrong with putting boundaries with parents if the behavior is life-threatening to another person and can destroy a perfectly healthy marriage.

    Reply
  14. Laura chavez November 20th, 2015

    Ok, why is it ok to make parents let dangerous grandparents see their grandchildren, but if parents are being dangerous with their children the children would be taken away right because it’s in the child’s best interest. The child’s safety is important, and if the safety isn’t important the person no matter if its the parents or grandparents ,aunts uncles ,cousins whoever would be taken out, child safety isn’t something to be fooled with, its not being selfish or anything like that to care about the safety of your child, let’s say a aunt hurt you’re child on purpose after you let them know what was what would you let them back in to do it again? I don’t think so, does it really matter if they are family? Grandparents, aunts, uncles…. etc you want to be in the child’s life respect the child’s safety and the parents of the child’s wishes or you are out!

    Reply
    • Michlle December 25th, 2016

      My MIL insists on bringing her dogs near my baby even though said dogs have bitten everyone in the family 🙁

      Reply
  15. Dianne November 24th, 2015

    Grandparents are there to love not judge. For some reason some Grandparents feel they are entitled and cause too much drama and hard feelings in the process. Why not just be grateful for the time you spend with your grandkids and stop causing the barrier. Grandparents are not owed anything, they need to get a life and not validate their existence by the amount of time they get with the grandkids.

    Reply
  16. Chery Holt, MA November 29th, 2015

    First, I give the writer credit for sharing her story and valid concerns for her children’s psychological & physical safety.. Second, child endangerment especially regarding a food allergy is very serious. In reading the responses to the article, I was very surprised to read Grandmothers name calling, incorrectly & even diagnosing the writer at all. Stop focusing on the DIL, it is clearly about the child’s well being. For the Grandmothers, that wrote about the concern for the child’s safety first, thank you!! The Grandmothers filled with anger & lack of empathy, I hope your children are aware of your behavior and that you don’t project those negative emotions onto your grandchildren.

    Reply
  17. Heather December 10th, 2015

    The peanut allergy section is exactly how my children’s Great Grandma is. We told her not to give our youngest (1 year old) anything with nuts… she did it any way. I’ve repeated myself many times to her and she still continues to try and give him anything and everything with peanut butter or nuts. My son is also allergic to peanut butter and nuts…but Great Grandmas keeps giving to them in tiny amounts just to try and prove us wrong. In tiny amounts he usually doesn’t have a reaction but bigger amounts he does… but he only had tiny amounts when he was on allergy medicine so I think maybe that’s why he didn’t have the reactions then.

    Reply
  18. mo December 14th, 2015

    i think its crazy. the grandparents have a duty to be loved, they spoil the children while the parents discipline. to pull the kids away from the grandparents is the worst form of human being alive. when you die you will burn in Hell….surely there is a legal thing that can be done here. woman like this don’t think about the kids only about themselves as they are asking for a Divorce indirectly, putting the kids lives at stake..

    Reply
    • ZWales July 22nd, 2016

      This is a very intense reaction that seems indicative of how you approach conflict. This approach is asking for trouble. Unfortunately, there are parents who struggle emotionally and they will most likely be grandparents one day who will still be struggling emotionally. I have sympathy and concern for people who have mental illnesses, but children growing up with mentally ill parents suffer through a lot. When they themselves grow up, they are wise to distance themselves from their parent unless their mental illness is well controlled. This means protecting their own children from grandma/grandpa. This is what good parents do. It’s not easy and certainly there is disappointment and loss involved, but not because grands are kept from grandparents, but because it’s a loss that grandparents cannot or will not manage their illnesses and traumas that bleed out onto others. Your comment sounds like you have serious history with your children and understandably miss your grandchildren, but your child(ren) is wise to keep them out of the way so that they’re not hurt by your own emotional confusion.

      Reply
  19. Aurora Dawn January 16th, 2016

    I think all of you grandparents who have condemned this woman are sick and I hope eventually the pain you have which makes you so hateful and selfish goes away. Children are not anyone’s entitlement, they are a responsibility out of genuine love. Children are weak vulnerable and impressionable and they need to be loved and cared for. It has nothing to do with this person or that person “deserves” a child… ALL children deserve to be loved by ALL the adults in thier life and thier best interests put first. If an adult can not do that then they are not ready to be an adult in a childs life.

    Reply
  20. laura mcmillan February 4th, 2016

    My mum craves so badly an overnight stay with my son who is 8. And I would love nothing more because I know she loves him to the end of the earth but I just can’t bring myself to allow it because when she has him on her own for a long period of time he comes home a different boy. It’s like somehow she gets into his mind and try her best to turn him against me and his father, (my ex partner) she also takes speed quite a lot not every day but when she does she turns into a horrible person who wants to turn my son against us all. My mum also spiked me when I was breastfeeding my daughter just part of a sick game so she could try and take my son of me. I cringe when I think of what could have happened. She was trying to set me up to look like an unfit mother. She suffers from psychological problems, but my son loves her so very much so I allow him to see her once a week for a couple of hours but the thought of her having him overnight makes me cringe 🙁 please tell me I am right in sticking to no overnight access. Thanks in advance

    Reply
    • Konoha March 4th, 2016

      Drug use around the child is a massive safety concern. You are not at all wrong in not wanting to leave your child alone with your mother overnight. You have a duty to protect your son. When he is an adult he can decide for himself how much time he wants to spend with grandma while she’s high, but you owe it to him to protect him until then.

      Reply
  21. TIRED OF RIDICULOUS February 6th, 2016

    If everyone could please go back to the original. I moved my MIL in almost two years ago and she has no desire to spend time with our children but seems to get a snotty tude when it comes to “grandparent rights”. I grew up with abbusive neglectful druggy parents and had wonderful grandparents (paternal) who were always there for me. Those grandparents are the ones who truly deserve to be in those children’s lives. Snotty ENTITLED “grandparents” do not belong in any child’s life!!!! As long as the children have healthy lives the only job of the REST of the family members are to mentor, encourage and love these children. Parents are the only ones entitled to these children unless they are selfish a@@holes like I had. As I started my comment….the woman I moved in isn’t drug addicted or abbissive, however, she is a lazy narsastistic troll who has lived with her grandchildren and never embraced it. I have zero tolerance for anyone who feels they deserveX Y and Z. Clearly, if you are the one to take offense to the starting comment…you need help. This PC BS world that has allowed all to rights and privlege need to grow a set and grow up. Just because you F$&?ED up as parents doesn’t mean you get a redo to F&@? it up again. Let GOOD PARENTS BE GOOD PARENTS! Sit back, shut up and embrace what is

    Reply
  22. Survivor March 20th, 2016

    Many “Baby Boomers” we’re narcissistic, abusive parents. In my case, the abuse – physical and psychological was real. I grew up in fear of having the snot beat out of me for merely expressing emotion, an opinion, or a desire. I was kicked, yelled at, ridiculed, and sabotaged by my father. I watched him beat my pets. I sat in the back seat of the car as a child while he terrorized my family spinning doughnuts in a dirt lot with the car – with the entire family in the car, as part of one of his rage attacks. I was even subjected to at least one round of sexual abuse by him (probably mentally blocked out others). Any time I disagreed with him, he challenged me to a fist fight. Finally, at age 28 I agreed to his challenge, and beat him up. That was the last time he pulled that bullying stunt. However, he and my mother continue today (10 years later) to regularly violate boundaries. With the above in mind, he and my mother will not have contact with my children. Abuse is real. If a parent chooses to not let their parent see their child, it is for good reason. It is unfortunate that my child will only know one side of his family (and grandparents), but the absence of a set of grandparents is much better than subjecting a child to harm by an abusive grandparent. Some grandparents can’t be trusted.

    Reply
  23. Eden Davis March 26th, 2016

    I would cut off contact for awhile. Maybe not permanently, you will have to wait and see if any significant improvements in the grandparents’ behavior. If there aren’t, then keep your kid safe by keeping grandparents away. I have some experience with the food issues as well, although it has to do my own nonfood llergies and my dogs’ food allergies as well (yes I know there is a big difference between dogs and kids, but in these instances there are definitely disturbing similarities.) we would go swimming at Lake Tahoe pretty often in the summer (we lived close by on the Nevada side). I happened to be severely allergic to a thing called PABA that used to be one of the main ingredients in a lot of sunscreens (not all, and none have it anymore thankfully. The one store that had the PABA-free sunscreens was a place that my mom claimed she hated, and she just wouldn’t go there. She even got upset with my dad for going there to get the sunscreen, and after he put it away and left the room,she took the sunscreen and threw it in the trash outside. So every time she would take me to the lacks (my dad is a geologist so he used to be gone a lot in summer. So my mom… definitely does a lot of magical thinking. Fist, she would make me put on the sunscreen I wasn’t supposed to be to touching at all. The she would tell me to quick get in the water so it will come off soon, and then you won’t get hives!! It never worked… but the last time was the worst by far… She put the sunscreen on me, told me to get in the water. She must have put a lot on my forehead, because (and thankfully this is the only time this happened) giant glob of italics from my forehead into my eye. I had to be rushed to the hospital with chemical-like burns and a blister in my eye. And she and my grandmother (her mom) both routinely gave my dog things like chocolate cake, alcohol, caffeinated stuff. He has an allergy to beef and gets bad ear infections if he has it. Somehow, he always gets one a couple days after seeing family… Sorry for the long rant!! I can definitely relate to not being able to trust family members with things that are really important!!

    Reply
  24. Sabiha Ali April 23rd, 2016

    My Father -in law is a very dominating person. My husband(50 years old!) is terrified of his dad and would do anything to please him.
    He and my MIL visit us every year for a month or so (they live in another country).
    Recently my FIL has become more and more short-tempered. On the last few visits he has started to shout/howl/shriek at the slightest of excuses (eg my 12 year old daughter giggling at dinner time).Instead of being horrified at his dad’s behaviour, my hubby started to shout at my daughter too! My daughter was shivering when I found her later. Me and my son hugged her- but she was shaken at this betrayal by her dad. My kids are very sensitive, talented and extremely well-behaved kids- their teachers, friends, any body who knows them adores them. FIL once found my 7 year old son playing on his i-pad while FIL slept on the sofa -afternoon nap.It woke him up. He started to pinch,and howl at my son and pushed him telling him to get out of the living room. My son was so shocked and terrified- he just stood there crying- while his grandfather pushed him out of the room and shut the door on my sons hands-hurting him.I was too shocked to react- I told my hubby who then asked his father and his dad just laughed it off. As far as my husband is concerned the matter ended there.
    On our last visit to there house, my kids got into an argument-(how kids squabble sometimes )and it apparently disturbed the grandfathers peace, it set off the grandfather again –he started to shout and this time he threw water at their faces- these are now 16,14 and 9 year olds! Then he heard me talking to my husband and he told us to shut up!
    They are nightmare guests- will not lift a finger-want freshly cooked specific meals after I return home at 5:30 pm –the first thing I hear is my MIL ordering me to cook such and such dish- its another story I have started to totally ignore her. She finds faults in every dish that I make-even though I have told by most of my guests how wonderful they taste!
    MIL is another story- she can sing praises about herself non-stop!
    My husband is emotionally very attached to his parents- they use that to control me and the kids- because they know he is closer to them than he his to his own kids.
    My in-laws now want to visit us for a few months every year and the idea is so terrifying. When they are here my FIL needs to be in control- he would stop my kids from visiting or inviting their friends The kids have to spend all their time sitting in the lounge with the grandparents- while the grandparents are on internet chatting to their daughters, watching TV- in short totally ignoring the grandchildren.
    I really don’t know how to deal with all this- I know whatever I say falls on deaf ears and they are of the firm belief that they are ideal people.

    Its really sad when I think of the wonderful loving memories I have of my grandparents and feel so bad for my kids who actually don’t look forward to meeting their grandparents.

    Reply
    • FGP May 2nd, 2016

      What about (you and your husband both) having you all visit a family therapist as a condition of visiting?

      Reply
  25. Jerri Allington April 26th, 2016

    What does everyone think?????
    Im currently pregnant with my first, I do not know my boyfriends family nor do I want too. He and his siblings where taken from him mother by social services and the woman is crazy. She has been calling for months insisting on coming down and seeing the baby when he’s here, offering to help. I have flatly refused. I will not allow this woman who is a total stranger to both myself and to her son, she also pays no attention the the grandson she already has, to be anywhere near my child. She wasn’t capable of looking after her own and she won’t be allowed to see my baby. What the woman described in her post, especially with the allergy, I would not allow her anywhere near my baby, and quite frankly Id have it out with her. She sounds like a spiteful cow!

    Reply
  26. mommabear June 22nd, 2016

    I have had the exact same problems with my mil, deliberately putting my daughter in harms way to prove me wrong and/or trying to prove that she is the one in control. She said to me when my daughter was a couple of months old that she couldn’t wait for the day for my daughter to talk back to me. She was very angry with me for not allowing overnight babysitting. I am a stay at home mom and I didn’t want to leave her at that age with anyone, especially since I was breastfeeding every couple of hours still. My daughter has a chronic illness that my mil refuses to acknowledge. I invited her to one of our specialist appointment because she doesn’t believe anything I tell her. During the appointment she thought it was appropriate to start gaslighting the specialist. Asking her REPEATEDLY if she was sure about the diagnosis she made. She regularly ignores any boundaries we try to set with her and she doesn’t ask, she demands babysitting which I haven’t said ok to as of yet. I now will leave her with people that I trust. She once took off with my daughter when she was a month old without saying anything to me or my husband. I had no idea where she had gone with my daughter. I could go on and on about everything that has happened but I think that you get the idea. I wasn’t sure at the time what was wrong with her and why she seems to have so much spite towards me until I started reading about narcissistic personality disorder. Now all of her patterns of behaviour make sense. Sadly she has all nine traits in my opinion. I know that I’m not qualified to diagnosis her. Its my opinion based on 2 years of consistent research on personality disorders and some experience taking care of patients with this disorder. I have also spoke to my doctor about her. Her said he cant diagnosis her remotely but based on what I’ve told him it sounds like that is the case. She comes from a very large family and her parents died when she was young. She has admitted that she was never close to her parents when they were alive. I do feel sorry about the childhood she had. In my opinion every child deserves to be loved and protected. Narcissism is a learned behaviour from childhood abuse/neglect. I have come to accept that my mil is never going to change or be accountable for anything that she has done. My husband and I have decided to go low contact with her for the sake of our childs safety, our marriage and our sanity. I love my daughter more than anything else. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her from anyone who has an abusive nature. Does anyone know of any childrens books that will educate them about people who are abusive?

    Reply
    • Patty Luna August 5th, 2016

      If you’re dealing with NPD, be wary of ANY contact. I’m in the same situation. DH and I both had parents with NPD. I am no contact for several years and it’s been a huge difference for the better in me. Hubby struggles with low contact, even though they did intend to place our twins in grave harm. Tried to use every weapon in their arsenal to make us do what they felt entitled to. Harassed us constantly for over a year to bring the kids over to their house, where one of their animals harbor a rare and untreatable pathogen that one of my kids developed bacterial meningitis from. My daughter was only 6 weeks old, had only a 1% chance of survival (we were very lucky) and nearly died. She has mild brain damage. The 4 specialists at one of the best children’s hospital in the nation, told us that a repeated exposure would definitely be fatal. We told them this and they still demanded us to bring them over and refused to give up the reptile with the bacteria. They wouldn’t visit us, even though they used to frequently and unannounced. Even though they were invited. It had to be their way, no exceptions. It was the most evil and depraved way I’ve seen anyone behave. A power trip was worth their granddaughter likely dying? And they bullied my husband mercilessly to try and make him put his already sick and weak baby, in mortal danger. He was so brainwashed and conditioned to do what they wanted, he pleaded with me to obey them and comply. I’m not terrified by them and don’t believe they are entitled to get whatever they want. I had to fight my husband and stay vigilant and didn’t leave the kids in his care without me for a long time. Drove a wedge between us. He resented me for making his parents upset and making him a bad son. This is not uncommon for people who grew up in NPD homes. He still can’t bear to go no contact (and there has been so much more, they are hell bent on breaking us up) says nothing when they malign me to him. I don’t allow them access to my kids. They pop by on occasion for brief visits behind my back. But there’s rarely opportunity. I’d leave but then I know my husband would let them do whatever they wanted during his visitations. They will hurt my kids to get back at me and I have to make sure it never happens. These toxic grandparents ruined his oldest son from a previous marriage. He has traits of antisocial personality disorder. They had the full control and access to him they felt entitled to have. Toxic grandparents ruin marriages, their own kids, their grandkids and anyone else they have power over. Don’t let your kids near them. They don’t benefit in any way from them. Being family gives no one the right to harm anyone, especially kids. You are being a GOOD parent by not allowing this. Don’t let guilt eat you up, you have done the right thing. The toxic grandparents carry the shame and blame for the necessary steps we must take to protect our kids. The shame is on anyone who believes these people should get what they want. They blame me for destroying their close, happy family. I bent over backwards for them before I had kids. I’ve never behaved badly to them, always polite, etc. But they have a special hatred for me and my husband still is loyal to them. I’m heartbroken. Some of the posters who are on the grandparents side are likely NPD or something like that. It’s mind bending to anyone who hasn’t experienced it firsthand. We tried to work things out for years and also used therapeutic mediation. They cannot be reasonable and thinking that talking or taking steps to communicate to them and working things out is a possibility need to go on some ACON sites. Adult children of narcissist sites are the best sources. Therapists often don’t truly understand what they’re actually like and give bad advice. Good for this mom, this poster, who stood up to these people. I just have to say how lucky you are to have a husband who supports you in this and doesn’t live in denial that his parents are perfect and supreme. Be grateful he didn’t make you the enemy and resent you for keeping your children safe. Mine has no anger toward them, but contempt for me. It’s a horrible life knowing your husband puts them first and never makes you his priority. Leaving will only put my kids in harms way and I’ll die before letting harm and emotional damage come to them, especially in the way the in laws do it. All the mothers who do as we do, deserve a medal for the hell we fiercely walk into to protect our kids. We ARE good parents, good people. I applaud you.

      Reply
      • mommabear September 4th, 2016

        Thank you Patty Luna! I hope everything works out for you.

        Reply
      • Sandy January 18th, 2017

        Definitely tough and I’ve dealt with some of this. I even thought when it got so bad “I can’t leave, he will just run to them”. Thankfully, he finally opened his eyes. It took him over 2 years and seeing how own son disrespected and mistreated for him to realize what his parents have been doing to him and to me since day 1. Luckily, he loves his son more. I felt crazy until someone explained the NPD parent to me and I started to share the literature with my husband. It still hurts him but I always say “It’s their choice”. They aren’t in our lives because they choose not to respect our marriage, our home and us as parents. They have done everything from throw parties at our home and left it trashed while we were on our honeymoon to bringing his ex around just to get a rise out of me. In addition to a slew of legal and drug things I won’t get into here but suffice it to say I’m a mandated reporter and it became dangerous for me to associate with them. They have disrespected our child in doing all of the above and I explained how it was not healthy for a son to grow up watching his father be disrespected by people who say they love him. That gives a bad example of love, it gives a bad example of a man. They are broken people. But that is neither you or your child’s problem nor is it your job to fix or give them a chance. They should have been on their knees in tears and pain thinking that they could have killed your daughter but still they insist. Clearly they don’t care about her or how it would have killed you both to lose her. That’s dangerous. You do deserve a medal. You are a good mom and a good wife. You won’t tolerate anyone abusing your family. I’ve seen the damage that NPD grandparents cause their grandkids who watch them abuse their parents. I watched a grandmother call her son a failure in front of her grandson and how it broke him to watch his father just “take it”. If your husband isn’t strong enough to stand up to them then you need to take whatever steps necessary to protect them both. He doesn’t see it now, hopefully in time he will. Hopefully he gets to see his kids grow up with a self-confidence and self-assuredness that blows him away and hopefully he will come to see the difference in upbringing that brought that about. You are fighting for you family and you have every right to do so.

        Reply
  27. Sandra Gest August 12th, 2016

    What I have noticed reading these comments are grand parents are much more duress ted than they use to be. But then so are parents. I will never understand the lack of compromise. I have noticed, even when somebody is heartbroken over a situation, many have responded very coldly. This generation raising our our grandchildren seem self-centered and pompous and unyeilding. But that is what we raised. If we didn’t care , our adult children would be mad. If we care too much, we are smothering. It all feels like a power play. I love my Grandkids..I would love to be a part of their lives…I am here if they want me. If not, ….well,I have a lifew of my own. I have noticed the sons mother and father are the losers. As for the Mom with allergies..if the parents put your children in jeopardy, then they need super used visits. If the Mother who won’t drive and won’t leave her children, and who has spent so much time with her child that he can skip grades…won’t compromise..won’t even have the grandparents at her house? Too much lacking in this story….but she sounds like a nut.. Husband/ Father needs to step in before she makes her kids crazy too. They must have done alright with their son if she fell in love with him, right?

    Reply
  28. Tammy ryan August 30th, 2016

    Bombarding the mother that is doing all she can for her children as I would be just as angry about it and this woman has every right to feel the way she does especially her husband. If siding with the abusive ways of the mother in law that gave the child skim milk to a child that is allergic to the substance in the first place. Seriously people, if your child was allergic WOULD take that risk to get back the mother because you never liked her? That is clearly child endangerment in my view as no woman that is a grandparent should behave so spiteful like that.

    Reply
    • mommabear September 4th, 2016

      I agree Tammy Ryan. Deliberately placing a child in harms way IS child abuse. Endangering the grandchild to get back at the mother is sick in my opinion. Its not about love, its about power. Its sad that this is so common. Patty Luna thank you again for your reply. I’m so sorry to hear about what has gone on in your family. I really do hope everything works out for you and that your kids are kept safe!

      Reply
  29. John Anderson September 11th, 2016

    I am a father of one and am also a single son to my parent. I keep my parent away from my son and my wife completely. Not one visit in 2 years so far. It hurt me to do it but I have too. I invited them into our home when my son was born. I wanted them to feel joy of seeing and taking care of grand children. But it ended up having them mentally and physically hurting my wife, my son and me. Our home become their home and their rules. Me and my wife are the kind that dont like issues or confrontations so my parent keep pushing us. When pushing us to the edge doesnt work they start scheming on situation which give me and my wife a hard time. Other times they would have try to brain wash my son when he was young behind my back. Telling my son mommys bad grandpas best etc….I even suspected them posioning my wife and her family. Of course when i first invited them in i was blind from seeing all these issues because my love for my parents, my busy family life and work schedules. Its doesnt help that my wife is one of those woman whom never complaint and keep things to herself. It was torture for her for almost 5+ years. It was also torture for me mentally. It also brought out the worst in my parents. Any grandparents with not perfect characteristic should never get involve with their kids family. Leave them along even if you think they have the worst spouse in the world. They will learn by themself. They need life experience. You lived yours its their turn good or bad. Its funny how in my case my wife and me are the rich one in the family. We are rich. We support our parents life expenses and they live in our house and we still ended up moving out…lol. any way some day i will be the best grand father and in law ever after my experience

    Reply
    • FGP September 20th, 2016

      Have you seen a family therapist to help the situation?

      Reply
  30. Amber September 15th, 2016

    Hi I would just like to say that i do not think all grandparents are bad but some are, Me coming into a family whereby i am a different race and different cultures side of my husband they do everything different and for me i was difficult since the day i met his mother i felt that something was not right about her but ignored it and so my husband and i stayed at his parents house for 3 years and his sister was jealous of me because i married her brother this is what the MIL said and they said that is normal to me that wasnt normal because i got cousins who has brothers and dont behave that way his mother always put me down and did things and said things to hurt me they never ever had anything good to say about me once my first child was born they took my child away from me every time breast feed my i couldnt complain to my husband to my mother sisters no one i felt alone with my thoughts everyday, they actually took advantage of the soft person i was everybody told me to leave them when they are saying bad things about me, but it got to much i tried and tried to tell my husband what was happening but didnt listen but one day i left it in gods hands and he saw everything for himself how his mother treated me and FIL one day i made potato curry how the indians cook his father spat the food out because of no salt you must know i was 22 and just learning how to cook their foods then all the emotional abuse didnt stop after 7 years of being in the family they can accept me because i am a different race and come from a broken home my husband took us and moved out of their house once he saw what they did to me and i stared to speak up for myself and telling them when they are telling me something i dont like or they being rude everytime his family would fight with me i would never keep the kids away even though they are cruel to never i had a partry for the kids it really was an expensive parrty because we didnt have party for the girls and his family i had fight before the party but still i invited them and the unthinkable happed they fought with me my family mainly me his sister pulled my hair and brother was hitting me and as much as i wanted to hit his sister for doing that i couldnt because they attacked me like that and after that i didnt let them to see the kids because im scared and dont know what they will do to me.

    Reply
    • FGP September 20th, 2016

      Sorry for the unhappy situation.
      Sounds like you should seek help somewhere.
      Good luck

      Reply
  31. Jennifer Dunning-Maloley September 25th, 2016

    I will never understand how mothers can be so MEAN to each other…..shame on you all..not your life, not your story, not in her shoes. UN believable

    Reply
  32. Sarah October 3rd, 2016

    My parents are wonderful for the most part, but the thought of grandparents’ rights is terrifying to me, and I don’t even have kids yet. I can only imagine how anxiety-inducing it is for people whose parents are less stable. What nonsense. I’ve already decided that my father will not be allowed to drive my future children around unless I’m also in the car, because I know how his driving skills have slipped, and he’ll only get worse from here on out. The thought of a court telling me it’s not my decision because he might want to take my kids somewhere during visitation makes me want to move to another country.

    Reply
  33. Gayle Lewis October 16th, 2016

    grandma did wrong in feeding the baby something she should not have.In my case how about being banned from seeing a grand child due to a child marrying a Sex offender and the REAL dad of the child was not told. this little girl was under 2 yrs of age when the mom married a reg. sex offender. Now the grandma is blamed for all sorts of things not even related to the situation. the mom failed to tell the real dad and should have lost her place as custodial parent. the mom decided to get ugly and blames grandma for telling the real father, ( she did not do so ) when its all over the internet had he just looked. this couple was married for 9 yrs. Suddenly grandma is thrown under the bus and the real dad is not allowed to let Grandma see his daughter. The grandma is the mother of the mom of the child. when does An RSO have more rights that the only living REAL grandma

    Reply
  34. Dove Texas October 24th, 2016

    As a grandparent myself I’m just wondering why with the latest technology like Skype and other technology that’s out there there’s really no excuse for grandparents to see their grandchildren even if it’s on video only. It’s just as important for grandchildren to know that their grandparents love them very much but it also helps grandparents not feel neglected. Love lost one grandchild who passed away when he was almost 8 years old. My son and daughter-in-law divorced shortly after and now I don’t get to see my other grandchildren. I would be forever grateful if I could communicate with them thru Skype or even with letters. I always respected their parents rules and expectations. I never put them through any harm. Any harm that would occur to them was on their parent’s watch not mine. My grandkids always loved to spend time with me it was always grandma, grandma, grandma, I miss them dearly and I pray for them daily.

    Reply
  35. Alisha November 3rd, 2016

    My husbands parents are beyond irresponsible it’s genuinely concerning and I refuse to allow them to babysit. While their other grandchild was over not only did they allow someone to be there while on psychotropic drugs but he was doing them while he was there. They are always drinking, or smoking marijuana and constantly try to undermine me and my decisions as a parent. My husband thinks all of this behaviour is okay and thinks our child should be left alone with them. I find even the thought of it terrifying and appalling. If I have to I will take it to court so they are only allowed supervised visitation. My baby’s safety is more important than any of their feelings.

    Reply
    • jodie mallet November 10th, 2016

      I used to smoke weed before I had my child, but when you become a parent and make the decision to have a child, you have to stop all the childish things and become grown up and responsible. I will never touch weed again and my silly childish days are over. I’m a great mum and I don’t want my son knowing anything about drugs, let alone the fact his grandma takes them! Cringe. Also she gave my partner his first spliff at 14 years of age, so what’s stopping her from introducing my son to it! Grandma’s seen to think because they raised you, you have no right to make different rules for you’re children that they had for you.

      Reply
  36. ML November 30th, 2016

    I’m a grandparent of two toddlers with severe life-threatening allergies. It was when the oldest was 2 1/2 yrs old that we discovered her allergy to tree nuts: she ended up at the emergency room and then in the ICU. As a result of this experience and the changes which life threatening allergies require in the family’s daily routines my daughter’s anxiety over their wellbeing is palpable. If I could remove this burden from her and from other parents I would. It is obviously difficult for people to understand this problem when they don’t have direct experience with it. I recently had a family member who is a nurse decide not to join us for a family celebration because I asked that any food brought be dairy and nut free. It is painful to know that a medical professional is unable to to accept the fact that food allergies can be such a threat for small children who must trust the adults in their lives not to give them life-threatening foods. Please learn more about food allergies at https://www.foodallergy.org To the parent who wrote the original post, you have my sympathy and prayers for the safety of your children.

    Reply
  37. Angel December 20th, 2016

    Trust your intuition as a mother. We all have that gut instinct and trust that feeling.

    Reply
  38. IQ Beauty January 3rd, 2017

    Woman with graduate psychology training here… I wanted to chime in. I understand why the author wants to limit contact with her MIL. In fact, the author has been put in that position by her MIL. The author has stated her children’s needs several times over clearly to the MIL and has even experienced her child being hospitalized because of MIL’s bad decision. The MIL believes she knows better and the MIL has decided that she will put a child’s life in danger simply because the MIL doesn’t agree. This is very foul behavior on the part of the MIL and it is unacceptable. So, let’s take the MIL and DIL dynamic out of it and call them person A and person B. Person A has a child and person B wants to visit with the child. Person A tells person B what the child can be fed and why. Person B does not follow person A’s wishes and person B feeds the child something that almost causes the child’s death. Person A clearly states on several occasions what her child needs to be fed and person B keeps giving the child known allergens simply because person B wants to. Person B does not respect the child or the child’s health. Person A knows this and does not want her child to have a deadly reaction because of person B’s willfulness. Person A has tried to work with person B, but person B feels it’s her way or the highway and that she makes the rules. Person A decides to withhold her child from person B because person A does not want her child to have a potentially deadly reaction. Really, it is that clear cut. If you cannot see person A’s logic, then I do not know why. It really is cut and dry. Person A wants to protect her child. If person A knowingly were to keep giving her child to person B, then person A would certainly be a negligent mom. So, why do some readers have a problem with person A doing her job as a mom and doing what comes naturally to healthy moms– the need to protect their children? This is the part I do not understand. Person A is being a good parent.

    Reply
    • Concerned Mother April 4th, 2017

      Thank you for putting this logically. I have been struggling with how to explain to my own parents why I won’t let them have unsupervised visits with my children despite telling them for years to stop being so reckless. Breaking it down into something similar (Person A and Person B) may help me explain it to them so that maybe they actually hear me finally instead of ignoring me and doing whatever they want to my kids.

      Reply
  39. vip patel January 9th, 2017

    I am dad of 2 college aged daughters now. However, I have tried my best to keep their maternal grandparents as much away from them growing up as possible. My younger daughter was abused by the grand father’s friend more than once in their house in the presence albeit not to their knowledge. And when my younger daughter who was 9 when she told me about it, I talked to them and they didn’t believe me or my daughter. They even scolded my daughter and told her to stop lying about the abuse. My wife and I went to the cops regardless (against their wishes/blessings) and filed a case. After a few months long investigation, the guy was convicted (surprisingly they found more victims) and was jailed for 15 years and is still rotting in there. This just proved how careless they were about their grandkids and were not the so-called loving and caring grandparents.

    Reply
  40. William Scott January 28th, 2017

    Why is it always the father’s parents or the father done this the father is no good the father can have custody there’s no help for the father fathers don’t have no rights but you guys are sitting here talking about grandparents rights the man in this situation never has a choice

    Reply
  41. TJax Smith February 19th, 2017

    Just curious…. How many grandparents out there realize that if momma doesn’t like you, your grandchildren will get the same vibe simply by reading the emotions of their mommas. Instead of whining and complaining that you have rights, you are a victim, and how horrible your DIL is to you, a lot can be solved by realizing you will never have the relationship you want with your grandchildren if your DIL does not like you. She is strongly bonded to that child, and when momma is upset, baby gets upset. When momma sees a threat, baby starts to cry. Monkey see monkey do. If Momma is sick and tired of being treated badly, baby won’t be pleased to see you either. She won’t need to say a word either. My mother in law is reaping what she sewed. Years of backhanded, slanderous, manipulative games to destroy my marriage and reinstate her place as matriarch. I did not want to participate in her drama so I stopped talking to her and made my own choices based on my own conscience. I gave her time with my son, but supervised, after she used him to get attention and neglected him for a day. Any consequence she has ever gotten, she earned. Well my son did not like how she treated me, so he stoped talking to her too. She is now heart broken and dramatic, but no one can fix the mess she made. My two year old son objects to her attitude and out of love for his momma will not pay attention to her. You cannot harm the child’s momma and expect the child to love and trust you. Respect goes both ways, and the consequences of truly hurting your DIL may be higher than you are willing to pay. That is not a monster who stole your son. That is your grandchild’s Momma. Treat others the way you want to be treated, or get ready to reap the consequences. Sadly, those consequences are often higher than you are willing to pay.As for the mom above, if she doesn’t respect you, she has earned what she gets. Appeal the court order immediately, and get a lawyer if you need to. Most people with issues do not own mirrors, and cannot see what they are doing is wrong.Trust your instincts. Your husbands vows cut those apron strings. Grandmother is a far cry from mother, and it is your right to protect your kids. Instead of fighting you legally the proper way to handle the situation like an adult would have been to say she was sorry, to empathize, and earn your trust like any sane individual. The fact she is crossing such dangerous lines as serving food alergies and using manipulation while still insisting she is a victim means she is not your usual sane, mature individual. Put down your boundaries in a united front with your husband and fortify them. Make it clear how much she is damaging the relationship by her actions, straight from her son’s mouth. If she doesn’t get better set iron clad boundaries. She is dangerous by her actions so far.Trust is earned and so far she is the very definition of untrustworthy.

    Reply
  42. Britt Robbins April 18th, 2017

    I have to agree with the above comment. I am having trouble with my mother in law bad mouthing me to my own child…. He comes to me saying hey mommy Nana said she doesn’t like you she hates you but she loves daddy why doesn’t she like you…. Now most people would think that he is lying or stretching the truth except my child has aspergers and is painfully blunt and honest….. So what am I to do? Just let her bad mouth me to my four year old or cut her visitation….. I want him to have relationships with his family but only if they are healthy relationships…..

    Reply
    • FGP April 27th, 2017

      Sit down and talk with her and let her know how you feel.

      Reply

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